Yesterday's post was about taking a break from grief and how it brings some relief. Today I would like to talk about sitting with your feelings. This is part of what I am talking about when I say grief work. It can be incredibly hard and scary sometimes because you never know what will come up but on the flip side it helps in so many ways.
Allowing your feelings to come to the surface allows you feel them and identify them which will lead to processing them and eventually coming to terms with them. This could be part of a daily practice (which I will discuss at a later time) or in the early stages of grieving, just when you feel the strength to do it.
It shouldn't be done for long periods and it is not meant to be intense or heartbreaking rather, a form of self love. I will use what I did today as an example.
I sat in a space that was quiet with low lights and candles. I know that it is not easy to always find a quiet space, but even putting in earbuds with the sounds of nature, or anything else that is soothing but not distracting would be just fine.
Take a few deep breaths, inhale through your nose and exhale from your mouth. A million thoughts will be flying around but don't worry about it. Just keep breathing and relax. When you are calm and settled, think about what you are feeling. Now, create an inner dialogue. What are you feeling? I feel a heaviness in my heart and I feel like I am going to cry, I am sad. (Cry if it comes up and allow yourself to feel sad) Why do you feel sad? I miss Joseph and Nicholas so much that it hurts. Why do you miss them? Because I want to talk to them, hug them, and ask them how their day was, but I can't. What do you think is making you feel this way? Because I love them so much. Then love them. (Feel the love you have for them).
Typically then, I can feel love and not sadness. Sadness is an easier one to tackle. There can also be guilt, anger, regret, the very powerful "whys" or any other thing that you may be feeling. Anger and guilt can take a little longer but for me it always comes back to love.
This is by no means a magic cure but it helps to understand your feelings so that when you are feeling them strongly or feeling many at once, you have a little bit of grounding. You can acknowledge the feelings instead of suppressing them which is harmful and doesn't work anyway (yes, I have tried). Suppressed feelings will eventually come back up but will harder to deal with and feels like a big mess of confusion.
After I do this I just sit and breathe deeply again for a minute then feel proud of myself for facing scary feelings. Grieving is hard and it is exhausting but finding things that work for you can oftentimes make it a little less heavy.
When you feel like you can't handle the pain, think of the times that you sat with it and handled it. Empower yourself.
🌷
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