Self care is one of the biggest things that gets ignored while grieving but at the same time it is so important. In the days, weeks, even months after a death caring for yourself gets put on the back burner frankly because you probably just don't care. In the beginning when your are in shock your body is kind of shut down so you don't get the hints as you usually would for hunger, thirst, or rest. I felt like I didn't even care if I died from dehydration but you will care later so try hard to take the smallest steps.
Set a timer if you have to and take a sip of water. Crying can be very dehydrating and also very exhausting. The first few days are filled with hustle and bustle, take time to rest. People will come to visit and there will be things to do but you must prioritize. Allow your family to show love and support them excuse yourself for a nap. Don't feel like you have to be a host/hostess and don't feel guilty for it.
Eating is another big thing. I had no appetite at all. Not only that,I felt like I couldn't swallow and I felt nauseated but you have to eat something, anything. A cracker, some broth just anything because not eating will make you feel worse.
As time goes on you feel a little better but the exhaustion stays because grieving is exhausting!!
With the havoc that is being wreaked on your body your immune system will be in terrible shape. It's good to try to take a multivitamin. After Nicholas died I got a bad cold. I thought I don't care if I die from a cold. But again you have push through, you have to fight for yourself so I went for a Doctor visit and I was glad after I did. While I was there she told me I needed to have a mammogram done and my first thought was, you guessed it, I don't care if I have cancer but I do care and today I had it done and I'm glad I did.
When you feel like you have lost everything and your heart is broken nothing seems to matter. It's so hard to see living without your child but you have to fight and fight hard! Go against what you don't care about in the moment. It's your mentality that will shape the rest of your life. Your tiny battles will build you up and you will get stronger. If you say "I have a cold and I don't care if I die" then you stay in bed, feeling horrible, most likely getting more and more depressed and that's the cycle you stay in. Break the cycle, do the hard thing, and be proud of yourself!!
It's a process, a long, crappy, tiring process. But as I've said before the grief you feel for your child isn't going to go away because the love doesn't go away and missing them doesn't go away. You learn over time how to work with it and live with it. I've gone from not caring if I die from hydration two months ago to making sure I drink the proper amount of water every day and I'm proud of that.
Much Love
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