Self Love - The Best Gift You Can Give Yourself

When we think of self love what comes to mind is facials, massages, shopping, or maybe a new hairstyle. Those are all nice  but there is so much more to it then that.

1) I will start with boundaries - It's a touchy subject for most but also something most of us deal with. You have to draw the line with how much you can give to someone. I'm sure we all know a person who will take and take, who always has problems they want to vent to you about, their viewpoints are usually negative, and they just kind of drain your life force. If you manage to get a sentence in, it will get turned around to being about them or how they have a worse problem than  that. Maybe there is a person who always asks things of you; money, babysitting, rides to places, etc.. I don't know but you get what I am saying. It is OK to separate yourself from that while grieving. Each circumstance is different. If this is a "friend" you can choose to just distance yourself, if it is a family member first try talking to them and explaining how you you feel. If that doesn't work visit less and don't stay as long. Some of these things are really hard at first but once done, will make a world of difference. You have to care enough about yourself to make sure your energy isn't being spent on everyone else with nothing left to give yourself.

2) A good support system- This one takes a while. It's a lot of hit and miss but once you have it you wont be able to help loving yourself because you will have people around you giving you love which makes you want to give it back and everyone is happy. It you want to be fabulous like Beyonce, think of this as your entourage. I'll share mine, don't laugh and don't judge! :)
First Paul, the love of my life. We definitely do not have a perfect relationship but he is right there for me for anything I need. He lets me bury my head in his lap and cry and cries with me. He fed me when I felt like I could not even lift a spoon, and he puts up with me which is no easy feat! My mom and grandmother. Two fiercely strong but loving women who taught me resiliency, to never give up, and to always look for peace in my life. I have my dad who, how he refers to himself, knows everything about everything. His calm Buddhist simple explanations about life teach me not to overthink. Of course my brothers and cousins and all of my family who love me so much. My Primary Doctor, her nurse (who lost her fiance' to suicide so she always spends a little extra time with me swapping progress), My therapist (have I mentioned I love her?), My Psychiatrist; every time I see him I tell him I think that  I am crazy and he always has a sweet, calm way of making me laugh and feel better, I have a group of friends, we are called pearl girls. I thought it had something to do with tampons but apparently its a necklace or something. Anyway, four of us are in a group text. We have been friends for about 15 years. We always make plans and never follow through but I will tell you what; If I needed ANYTHING at ANYTIME anyone of them would be right there and they know I would do the same for them. Mostly we annoy each other in the group text but just knowing they are there makes me feel so lucky. I have a friend in California that feels like my sister even though we haven't known each other very long. She's so peaceful and earthy and sees beauty in all things. She's like mother earth. I can tell her I don't feel good, I feel like I have a big boulder in my stomach and she does amazing things and I feel better.  My newest friend is a psychic medium. She has a very positive outlook on life and just exudes love. We exchange positive messages to each other and without words or her even knowing, she teaches me a lot about not being so fearful. I am so so so lucky to love the people I work with. We get aggravated and fight with each other like family because that is how we see each other, sort of like of sisters.
Whew, long list! Of course yours doesn't have to look like this but positive, supportive people who lift you up and give you love are imperative. The funny thing is a lot of these people tell me "I wish I could do more", or "I wish I knew the right things to say". They have no idea they are part of my survival right now, and that's what called love and selflessness.

3) Becoming mindful- I spoke a little bit about this yesterday. I am aware of what my body is telling me and I listen to my feelings and emotions. People who do this are more likely to know what they need and how to take care of themselves as opposed to letting other people tell them what they need.

4) Forgive yourself - No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. If you learn from the mistakes you are winning. We tend to be our harshest critics. The past is gone and none of it can be changed, the only thing you can worry about is how you are living now.
    4-B) Forgive others - Holding on to past anger and hurt is so toxic for us. It does no good at all. I like to say this about holding on to anger at someone "It's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die". Just let it go, forgive them. You do not have to tell them just say it to your self; I forgive you for ______. This will change your life.

5) Accept who you are- Loving yourself starts with knowing and accepting who the true you is. We all wear masks for the different roles we play in life but knowing who you truly are will show you your uniqueness, and being unique is beautiful!

There are many more but even doing a couple of these will help you with grieving because you will shift some of the focus to yourself and what you need. This is a journey you have to go through alone. Being loving and gentle with yourself will make it a little bit easier.

I tried to leave out these but I can't help it! Treat yourself sometimes. Buy some bath bombs from Lush and have a nice long soak while listening to music, binge watch a show with a glass of wine, get a new hairstyle or even better a new purse!! You deserve it.

Much Love