From the moment of your loss, advice will be flying at you from all directions. It will come in many different forms from many different people. I am a voracious researcher, if I can relate to a topic I will learn as much about it as I can. I also try to find out as much as I can from my peers.
My suggestion is to try anything that isn't harmful to yourself and others. Everyone has their own perspectives and beliefs but healing from a loss so great, even living with it, is extremely challenging. No one can tell you what will work, only you will know that and you will only know if you try.
I was resistant to a few things at first that I now find invaluable. I didn't think mindful or deep breathing would help me or writing in a journal. These are two things that are a constant for me now.
I read a lot about spiritual practices and religion and if something resonates with me I dig further and apply it to my situation, if not I move on to something else. The best thing to do is keep trying. It is difficult to see things in a positive way but there has to be a little light of hope.
I was listening to a podcast today and the woman was talking about how we can only feel something as much as we have felt the opposite of it. With horrendous pain can come great joy, with tragic loss can come a deeper appreciation of what you have. It is hard to think about joy I know, but the faintest glimmer of hope can save you at times when you cannot imagine life without your child.
If anyone is interested in a book on the topics of child loss or suicide please reach out to me. Also, I can assist with locating information, or give some ideas. Please be open to learning new things and never give into thinking that nothing can help you.
Information is a very powerful tool. Use what serves you then leave the rest.
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ive been reading this everyday. thanks for sharing these thoughts from your journey. your quote yesterday about feeling for others only as deep as we have felt the opposite---i had just read that in a book a few minutes before i read your blog. we are all a work in progress for sure--realizing so many things at different times and in different ways. if we are humble and compassionate it seems like it goes better, so i appreciate what you have to say and how you and Paul are not just surviving, but also helping others. i think God is showing me stuff and i hope He keeps surprising you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Mr.Johnson. I do, and I think always have, felt humble. The amount of compassion I feel now is almost overwhelming as it is new to me but there is definitely a force driving me. I hope I can do something to make a difference.
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